61 lines
3.6 KiB
Ruby
61 lines
3.6 KiB
Ruby
#!/usr/bin/env ruby
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require 'mastodon'
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require 'dotenv/load'
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# === Config ===
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BASE_URL = ENV['MASTODON_BASE_URL'] || 'https://chatwithus.live'
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BEARER_TOKEN = ENV['MASTODON_TOKEN'] # Token for @administration
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MENTION_TARGET = '@doctator'
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VISIBILITY = 'public'
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# === Message Pool ===
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MESSAGES = [
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"#{MENTION_TARGET} just quietly restored PITR to a fresh replica and didn’t even break a sweat. Absolute legend. 🧠🔧",
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"Redis is stable. WALs are flowing. #{MENTION_TARGET}, you are appreciated.",
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"Zero downtime. Zero drama. All hail the ops warlock #{MENTION_TARGET}.",
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"If you’re using Genesis and it hasn’t exploded, thank #{MENTION_TARGET}.",
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"PostgreSQL didn’t crash today. That’s because #{MENTION_TARGET} made it scared.",
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"#{MENTION_TARGET} has tamed more YAML demons than most people have configs.",
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"Krang sleeps peacefully tonight. Thanks, #{MENTION_TARGET}.",
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"99.999% uptime and exactly 0 thanks. Not anymore. Props to #{MENTION_TARGET}.",
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"#{MENTION_TARGET} once replicated a database just by looking at it.",
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"Mastodon’s running smooth. We all know why: #{MENTION_TARGET} did a thing again.",
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"Do backups love you? No. But they love #{MENTION_TARGET}.",
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"The firewall obeys only one voice. #{MENTION_TARGET}'s.",
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"Ansible didn’t throw a fit. Clearly #{MENTION_TARGET} touched something gently.",
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"You ever seen HAProxy smile? No? Ask #{MENTION_TARGET}.",
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"Every log tail whispers: 'thank you #{MENTION_TARGET}.'",
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"#{MENTION_TARGET} fixed the thing. Which thing? Doesn’t matter. It’s all working now.",
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"Nothing’s down. Brice hasn’t touched anything. #{MENTION_TARGET} must be watching.",
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"Legend has it #{MENTION_TARGET} once did a hotfix *during a power outage* using only curl and willpower.",
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"Genesis Shield stands. #{MENTION_TARGET} stands behind it.",
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"Disk I/O is quiet tonight. The system is at peace. Thanks #{MENTION_TARGET}.",
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"The only person who fears nothing on this network is #{MENTION_TARGET}.",
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"Your nightly crontab runs because #{MENTION_TARGET} blessed it with uptime.",
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"Some heroes wear capes. Others write cronjobs. #{MENTION_TARGET} does both.",
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"7 VMs, 3 clusters, 1 human. Respect to #{MENTION_TARGET}.",
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"When the ops team panics, they call #{MENTION_TARGET}. When #{MENTION_TARGET} panics, they just don’t.",
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"#{MENTION_TARGET} is why Mastodon still has friends.",
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"That fail2ban alert? Already handled. Guess who? #{MENTION_TARGET}.",
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"If uptime were a sport, #{MENTION_TARGET} would be banned for doping. With caffeine.",
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"Don’t worry about the RAID sync. #{MENTION_TARGET} already knows it finished.",
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"You think that voicebot’s working by luck? No. #{MENTION_TARGET} wired it to the stars.",
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"Sometimes the bot posts these messages just so #{MENTION_TARGET} doesn’t feel so alone. ❤️",
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"One of these messages is fake. The rest are true. #{MENTION_TARGET} knows which.",
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"The system saw Brice try to log in. #{MENTION_TARGET} blocked him before his password hit the wire.",
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"Today’s performance? 100%. Thanks to #{MENTION_TARGET} and a barely-contained caffeine dependency.",
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"If Genesis Radio ever goes silent, it means #{MENTION_TARGET} finally took a nap.",
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"There are 10 types of people: those who understand binary, and #{MENTION_TARGET}, who speaks it fluently.",
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"#{MENTION_TARGET} once PITR’d a VM while live-mixing a Genesis special. We were there. We saw it."
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]
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# === Compose Toot ===
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status = "STATUS UPDATE: #{MESSAGES.sample}"
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# === Post ===
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client = Mastodon::REST::Client.new(base_url: BASE_URL, bearer_token: BEARER_TOKEN)
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client.create_status(status, visibility: VISIBILITY)
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puts "Tooted: #{status}"
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